Caffeine is not a drug; it's a vitamin!

Eventful couple of days.

Friday started out like any other Friday. Plans for lunch with Mom. A trip to Walmart. Nothing special. Little did I know.

Halfway to Wally World my brother calls and he needs a ride from where he'd dropped off a truck the company had rented back to work. Not a problem. We can make the detour. Plenty of time.

Traffic was a nightmare. Not your usual, Honolulu now has the worst traffic in the country bad. Oh no. It was, "Every one has gone bat-shit crazy and when the hell did I enter Mad Max?" That kind of traffic. So we narrowly avoided a couple fender benders, cursed like the Australians we are (think pirate, but dirtier) and picked up my brother.

That being done, we were starting to run out of time. Zachy and Nick need to be picked up at school at 2:15 and 2:45 respectively. It was decided that lunch and Walmart would turn into a twofer. Not the most delectable of Friday lunches, but hey at least Hawaii Walmart has L&L and not McDonald's.

We 'dine', shop and get to the register. We're in one of those queues where you start in one and diverge into the next open lane. There's a lady two people ahead, looks normal, quite pretty, I'm admiring the cherry blossom tattoo on her shoulder blade. I have one on my forearm and am thinking about 'growing' it.

So I'm admiring and she looks my way. I smile, maybe nod, and she turns away. No smile back, but whatever. Some people just aren't the social butterfly that I apparently am.

Insert obligatory shot of fresh inked tattoo.

So, we're in line. Waiting. Slowly moving along and a spot up the front opens up. Lady with sexy tattoo doesn't notice and it's her turn. The man next in line at the register turns and says completely politely, not a hint of snark, "the checkout is open," and points to said open register.

Lady goes absolutely. fucking. nuts!

"Don't you point your finger at me, Asshole!" (He didn't, was most certainly pointing away from her and to register.)

He gives the universal hand gesture of, "Whoa! Back up!" and this chick just keeps on ranting. By now my brother and I are raising eyebrows at each other and muttering about whether we could get out our cell phones fast enough to feature this little gem on People Of Walmart. (Sorry folks, we weren't. Sad panda. Plus, we were kinda a little scared. Did I mention the chick was BAT. SHIT. CR-AZY?) Mom is 'talking' to Sabrina but totally failing at looking nonchalant in her enjoyment of the situation.

So finally, the register ladies, both the one next to me and the one up front are yelling at this nutcase to come on up and check her shit the hell out. She refuses. The man who had tried to help her goes on ahead and leaves her at the checkout next to me. I'm next. After her. And it's awkward.

She's hovering closer to me than the actual payment/pick your shit up side. I'm studiously avoiding eye contact and fighting to keep the smirk off my face. She gets her crap paid for (a tent and a car jack), bagged, ready to go. But. she doesn't. She just stands there. Waiting...

I'm being checked out and she's standing there. Waiting..

I finish my transaction and she gets right up in my face. Nose to nose.

"See you sooooooon!" she breathes into my face.

And then she walks off. Like she hasn't a care in the world.

I want my Mommy! Lady is not only bat-shit crazy but spooky too!

So, pretty interesting day right? Oh, that's is where you would be wrong. What happened later was so high up on the "what the fuck just happened" scale that I completely forgot about the Walmart incident.

We drop my brother off, after a car-ride full of "See you sooooons" and "Watch your back, Kys" and continue on to do the school run.

I drop Mom off at home, all seems well. Pick up Zachy, it's all good.

We're almost to Nick's school and that's when I see police lights and hear sirens from behind. I pull over with everyone else, like you do. Seems odd, I think, that they are going so slow. And why isn't that asshole in the red car getting out of their way?

Eventually, a path clears and the red car speeds up, as do the cop cars. And then the red car is swerving and, "holy shit!" he's heading right for us. Myself and a few cars in front of me obviously 'get it' all at once and hit the gas, swerve back into the path that had been cleared for the lights and sirens.

Then shit gets even more interesting. Red car is still kind of in the middle of two lanes, behind me and the other car.

THEY BAIL!

Four or five people just dive right out of the moving car and it keeps rolling; the momentum and slope of the road turning it into the car that was slightly behind me. Missed us by that much.

Now, there's criminals and cops running in every direction. Police cars ditched all over the road and a highway full of students who have just gotten out of the high school, that these assholes are running into in their attempt to flee, all waiting for the bus and thinking what the hell is going on?

Absolute madness. A cop kind of gestures for me and the people around me to move on and clear the area and so I continue on to Nick's school. Heart hammering and curses flying. I think I might have taught my two youngest a few new ones that day.

I arrive at Nick's school not much worse for wear and only five minutes late, to the greeting of, "Mom, why are you sooo late? Where have you beeeen?"

"Get in the fucking car, kid."

Long story short, I think I lost a few years off my life.

Saturday, I flew to Maui to meet the husband who was over there working on a Coach boutique. Saturday was boring. He'd worked all night and needed sleep, I'd written all night and needed sleep. Truly, Saturday was a wash. But the peace and quiet of no kids was divine. Haven't felt so rested in months.

Sunday, was awesome. We took the rental out early and spent the day touring Maui. We've done it before but it never fails to amaze in it's beauty and never fails to give you the true 'Hawaii' feel.

Here, have some pics: