9/10/01 was the night I found out I was pregnant with our first child.

9/11/01 was the morning I confirmed it.

I remember peeing on the stick, jumping up and down in my bathroom like a loon.

Again.

I'd already done it once the night before. Called my mother and danced around my husband, waving the pee-soaked stick in his face. But this test was blazing, dark and screaming, "No really, you're totally knocked up!" So the flail was justified, I'd say.

Then I came upstairs and made a cup of coffee. Hush, it's totally fine in moderation!

And then... I sat on the couch and turned on the Today Show.

And the bottom fell out.

I think we all know how it felt that morning. Shock. Disbelief. Awe. Anger. Sadness.

I prepared for work in something of a daze. Took my usual walk through the park and into Waikiki, toward the office. Even five thousand plus miles from Ground Zero, you could feel it in the air. The shared looks of disbelief between total strangers as we waited for a traffic light to change. Halted starts of conversations. What did you even say? How did you put into words something so awful? How do you describe your utter horror that another human being is capable of such evil deeds? But we all knew. Words weren't necessary.

The world would never be the same.

I arrived at the office and sat at my desk, still feeling numb. I checked my email. Baby Center had sent me a message.

"Congratulations, if all went to plan you are now four weeks pregnant!"

I lost it. I bawled at my desk, heaving sobs of sadness. For all the lives lost and still to be lost. For the ones left behind. And for the child inside of me who was to be born into this crazy world.

What the hell was I thinking?

It took a few minutes but I composed myself. Took myself down to the local bar that served as a hang out for all the other people who worked in the building.

No, I didn't have a drink. I'm not that bad. Sheesh!

We all sat and talked. Expressed our disbelief and outrage, shook our heads and kept our eyes glued to the images playing on the screen.

And then my Mom showed up with an arrangement of flowers. "Congratulations!" she beamed. And everyone knew I was pregnant. The heavy ball of coiled up apprehension and dread lifted. In one fell swoop, my mother had managed to spoil the surprise for pretty much everyone in my entire social circle. I'd felt guilty about the moments of pure joy that randomly inserted themselves into the midst of this surreal day.

There were hugs and high-fives, cheers and for the first time that day... smiles.

The world would never be the same. But some things never change.

I will never forget. But we must never surrender. 

Life goes on.